My friends have run out of single guys to introduce me to.
The last of my still-single law school girlfriends showed up for dinner this past Friday with a 1.5-carat engagement ring.
Meanwhile, I’m nursing a broken heart from my most recent attempt at a relationship.
I’ll also admit to re-initiating contact with an ex from my third year of law school—the former Army Ranger best remembered for his unusual enthusiasm for his Breville juicer, premature ejaculation issues and borderline antisocial personality disorder.
I spent my last five years in Chicago attempting to forge lasting (i.e.: ultimately marital) relationships with friends of friends, and I’m still totally alone.
All this kept my mind returning to those It’s Just Lunch in-flight magazine ads I resorted to reading on my last flight after I abandoned whatever dep transcripts I was supposed to be reviewing.
Aside from the ridiculous name, I couldn’t help but find something a little bewitching about the concept. ” Moreover, it seems that any man who would sign himself up for It’s Just Lunch MUST be incredibly desperate, and having that upper hand does wonders for my insecurities.
The ad reiterated that the service is for “busy professionals.” Which means my excuse for resorting to such a service would presumably be my busy professional-ness—rather than the more obvious “I’m pathologically insecure! I scheduled the introductory meeting over the phone with a woman named Lizzie.
That left me with few options other than the depraved world of internet dating, right?
I’d previously ruled it out as too sad or desperate.
I forbid myself from on grounds that the stalker-ish ex-wife of a partner I work for (who is convinced that a mythical affair involving yours truly ended her marriage) uses the site, and I could only imagine the online smear campaign if she saw my profile.
And e Harmony is out of the question—not just because of the five million-part questionnaire, but because it seems too conservative. Phil, whom I despise.) Finally, there’s JDate, and—what else can I say—my college boyfriend upended my need to convert to Judaism when he dumped me after graduation.